Thoughts

As I sit here in front of my laptop, many thoughts fly across my mind. Thoughts like why am I here, at UofT, what have I been doing the past few years of my life?, what is my purpose in life..you know, all the typical questions..I really don't know what I have been doing wrong with myself. In UofT, I admit my first year was an utter mess; I wasn't in the mood for school, slacked off most of the time and heck i didn't even bother taking tests seriously..Even wasted my parent's money by dropping one course to do it over summer..and I thought about it and decided to work hard on my second year. but heck my marks are still shitty as ever. It just makes me so frustrated sometimes, is it because I am stupid? or maybe I'm in a program that i dont like..Fact of the matter is that my GPA is shit now..only a mediocre 2.x/4.0 ..as i sit and look at those numbers, many unwanted thoughts fly in telling me all this negative things..and I started questioning myself..Am I good enough for you?, You always say that I'm always unknowing; I never know stuff( can never guide you on anything), but thats not what I want, I want to give you happiness..but with this shit GPA Im starting to doubt if I'll ever get a good job..I don't know since when that I started having all this negative thoughts...You all must think " Oh , don't worry about your GPA as long as you have work experience" well fuck me for not having that either..Wondering what my program is? Its Chemical Engineering. Now you all must think.."Oh don't be so hard on yourself, it's a tough program"..which I again disagree ..if it's a fucking hard program why do I know people with like 3.8 GPAs?? Am I fucking stupid? Gah..why am I so useless? I cant study well, I cant play sports well ..hell i don't even look good...i wish that my life could just end now but i cant let you go ..